ABC's of OCD....or CDO (the way it should be)

A.  How ironic that that's the initial of a certain sister that posts on this blog....and is OCD
B.  Hmmm, another sister that posts on this blog....not as OCD as the first
C.  ......

So, I'm not really going to list out 26 things that cause me to have OCD, although I probably wouldn't have too difficult of a time coming up with something.  I know all of us are a little OCD....it's ok to admit it.  Some of us more than others (not mentioning amy names....oops, "any" names). 

Some people say they "suffer" from OCD.  I beg to differ.  I do not suffer at all, I think of it more as having things the way I like them because it's MY comfort zone, not yours.  :) 

Some of my OCD tendencies include: 
When I go to the bathroom at work I sometimes (ok, always) check the lock on the door 3 or 4 times before I get down to business.  And I may or may not have actually gotten off the toilet a time or two to do this.  I know, TMI. 

Napkins....nice segue from the toilet, eh?  When I'm at the table and have to use my napkin I always, ALWAAAAYS keep it in a nice neat fashion.  I am not a crumpler....you have no idea how much it bothers me to see somebody's wad of a napkin!!  Come on people!  Nice, neat squares!  Is that so hard to ask?  Ask Amy how many times she's asked to use my napkin when I'm done with it because hers has been reduced to a tattered mess.

Product placement.... My laptop for example.  Right now it is sitting in front of me on the table (a square table) and the edge of the laptop is perfectly lined up with the edge of the table.  Coincidence?  I think not. 

Toilet paper.....  OVER, not under.  'Nuf said.

Blankets....  My bed has to be made every day, otherwise I feel all discombobulated.  If by chance I forget to make my bed (never happens) I will, and have, make my bed before I climb into it.  And when I am covered up with my blankets they have to be flat and not all bundled up.  Once again, not a crumpler.

These are just a few of my OCD issues that I have going on.  I'm sure there are many more that I either am forgetting or I just don't want to admit.  ....I'm starting to think I may need to see someone about these. 

Driving for dummies….and there are a lot of dummies out there driving

In experiencing the inability of drivers to…well….drive, I think there should be a mandatory driving test for whenever you renew your license.  It is as if people take Driver’s Ed and then throw out the notes once they get their license.  There are SO many bad drivers out there.  Not that I am a fantastic driver but I am not horrible like many that I deal with every day.  It has been years since I have taken the driving test so I couldn’t even tell you what was in it, however, there are some common sense rules that one on the road should abide by.

• Driver tip #1:  When merging onto the interstate from an entrance ramp, you should reach a speed to easily merge into the flow of traffic.  Do not drive 30 mph on the ramp and then decide to speed up once you are actually on the interstate.  You are a danger to traffic and could easily cause an accident.

•  Driver tip #2:  Be observant!  If a car is trying to merge onto the interstate and you are in the lane they need to merge in, get over to the other lane!  (This only applies to the lane being open for you to move over to.)  Many times have I tried to get on the interstate only to have some jackwad camping out in the right lane with no one else in sight and I have to slow up because I have to get in behind them and then pass them.

•  Driver tip #3:  Figure out how to maintain your own frickin’ speed.  Don’t ride my ass and then hang out in my blind spot, not passing me, once I move over for you.  To the point where I have to get back in front of you because you failed to even come close to passing me and I need to get around another car.  It is like the only way you know how to maintain speed is by drafting the car in front of you.  Cruise Control…..learn to use it.

• Driver tip #4:  The “blink and go”.  This is when a person turns on their blinker and is already getting in front of me before the blinker has finished a full blink.  You are a danger by assuming I am watching your every move.  Yes, I am aware of my surroundings, but I can’t read your idiotic mind.  I can’t anticipate what you are going to do.  If I could see the future, I would be a damn lottery winner by now.

•  Driver tip #5:  Pulling out in front of me and cutting me off.  If you are going to gun it and pull out in front of me, at least pull out into the empty lane next to the one I am driving in.  By pulling out in front of me and not accelerating, you cause me to slam on my brakes for your dumb ass instead of slamming into the back of your car like I should have done.  You were in such of a hurry to get out in front of me, you should be in a hurry to also speed the hell up.

• Driver tip #6:  Don’t ride my bumper so close that I can see what color of lipstick you are wearing.  Are you trying to drive through me?  And do you not see the long line of cars directly in front of me?  You aren’t going to get any further by riding my butt so lay off!

• Driver tip #7:  When at a stop light and the light turns green, don’t honk your horn at me if I am not squealing pavement as soon as the light changes.  Give my brain synapses time to connect.  Lay off the horn trigger buddy.   Some day that horn will not work when you need it for a REAL emergency.

Okay, I will stop there for today……I’m sure there are plenty more issues I have with drivers……stay tuned!!

FF = Fantasy Football or Friggin' Farce

I vote the latter.

Those who know me, know I can be a wee bit competitive.  When I say I've gotten better over the last several years, I truly believe it -- others wait for me to be struck by lightning.  Unfortunately, any hope I have of learning to curb my competitive "instincts" (yes, let's blame Darwin) goes completely out the window come Sunday.  

Damn you, Fantasy Football!

For the past few years, my brother-in-law graciously has organized a family fantasy football league, one with low expectations and an even lower cost to join.  (We started at $10/person, and now it's down to just bragging rights as the major reward.  Yeah, I'll take anything.)  After bringing up the rear two years in a row, this year, I ended up with a pretty sweet team.  That's what happens when you place all power over choosing your roster totally into the hands of the computer -- a difficult thing to give up for a control freak like me, but it was the only way I was going to commit to this exercise in frustration.  

You want quarterbacks?  I got quarterbacks: Eli Manning, Robert Griffin III (a.k.a., "RGIII", for all you fellow FF gluttons-for-punishment out there), Tony Romo.

Running Backs?  Wide Receivers?  Heck, I have some of them too: Arian Foster (#1 in our league!), AJ Green.... 

I even have the top KICKER!  (You'll never know the depths of FF despair until you are yelling at your television, wondering why the coach isn't calling in the field goal unit, only to finally realize it's a MEASLY 3 POINTS you're begging/pleading/bartering the family pet for.)

What I DON'T have, however, is any understanding of how my team can be projected to beat the bejeezus out of each of my opposing family members, week in and week out, yet we still manage a loss.  The numbers don't add up!  Where's the auditor for this thing?  Who's paying off the refs this week??  Didn't ANYONE in the NFL get my memo about family bragging rights being on the line, my plan to go undefeated this season, and all the hours I've been spending perfecting my evil victory laugh?!?

The only possible explanation I can come up with: some fantasy football god must be trying to remind me to settle down and stop screaming "Run, dummy!  RUN!!"

Funny how he/she sounds just like my husband.